My Heart is Bigger than Yours


On the Mic

My Heart Is Bigger Than Yours

I met her in 2007, and immediately I was drawn to her giggle and her million dollar smile. She’s drop dead gorgeous, even at 6 months pregnant, and her magnetism was just undeniable.  She stands 5’6”, has these blue eyes that you just get lost in, and that smile, I’m telling you….it stops the world from spinning for a second.  She’s 100% all natural, a good old fashioned southern girl, and proud of it.  She sings her heart out with every note, and the words come from someplace deep.  Real.   From the first time her sweet voice kissed my ears, I knew, “this girl’s a star.” We became fast friends and she’s been like the little sister I never had, ever since.

When Mama MILF, asked me to write a feature on “our Michelle” I couldn’t wait.  What a perfect example of what we stand for here at MILFAdvisor.  Michelle Aspen (Aspinwall) is a mom who, literally, against all odds, always kept a smile on her face, and a song in her heart.

We started our interview in perfect modern day mom fashion, both of us multi-tasking.  She was in Nashville driving around looking at condos. (The house where she lives now has been broken into twice in the last week.)  And while I chopped vegetables and threw dinner together, I listened to her tell her story.

Hold on to your hats folks.  And grab the Kleenex.  It’s a hell of a roller coaster ride, and no doubt a tear jerker.

MILFadvisors: So let’s start out with a little about you.  What are you up to in Nashville besides house hunting?

Michelle: Well,  I moved here to chase the dream, you know?  Songwriting, playing, working on a record.  Hey my website launches this week, please tell everyone about it!!  It’s MichelleAspenMusic.com.

MILFadvisors: Of course!  Website looks great by the way, checking it out now.  So I’m reading that you wrote your first song when you were 6?

Michelle: That’s right.  Started singin’ at church, and writing as far back as I can remember. 

She talks about voice and piano lessons, and her vocal coach Lori Messorio.  She talks about traveling the fair circuit, performing at churches, that type of thing.  She talks about what she went through in middle school, and is so charming about her insecurities; you just want to tell her how beautiful she is.  You realize just how human, soft, and fragile she can be.  But then you see her age in the way she speaks, so wise beyond her years.

GuitarShe talks a little more on her site about the process of becoming a better songwriter.  She tells about meeting Don Coyer.  “And that’s when I really learned what song writing is all about.  It’s sometimes a tear that becomes that one feeling, that sinks into the paper with ink, that releases this hidden sound, that in turn…creates one of my 300 songs. And after all, that’s what music’s all about. The feeling between the notes and chords, that shape you as a person, and how you view life as a whole.”

As you listen to her talk about music, you begin to understand that it is as much a necessity to her as food, water, shelter; it is as necessary to her survival as the air she breathes.  She is a person born into music.  Her steps are a rhythm within her mind, and the words she speaks almost come out in lyrical form.

So, what’s so special about “our Michelle?”  Well, let’s just say her road from Rags to Riches has had its share of potholes, and detours.  The first big one came the year I met her….and boy was it a doozy.

MILFadvisors: So tell me about your thoughts when you found out your were pregnant.

Michelle: Haha! It was classic.  I was 19, and the head shot girl at a night club.  I was worried about my Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses and where the next party was.  And then all of a sudden, everything came to a screeching halt. 

She goes on to talk about how the first test she took was actually negative.  But 6 tests later, she had to come to grips with things.  So she decided to call her mother.

MILFadvisors: How’d that call go?

Michelle: (laughs) Well, she thought it was a prank call.  I said, “Momma, I’m pregnant, I’m gonna have a baby.” And she said, “Stop it Michelle, I’ve got work to do!”

After convincing her that it was in fact the truth, her mom bought into the adventure and never left her side.  And what a road ahead they had.  But we’ll get to that part a little later.

MILFadvisors: So how’d you feel?

Michelle: Well I remember when I was about 4 months along, I did this bikini contest.  I had signed up for it like a year earlier or something.  I probably wouldn’t have done it if I thought people could tell.  And I placed in the top 10 out of 60.  But I remember thinking on the way home, I won’t be doing this stuff for long.  My life is about to change severely.

And boy did it.  I asked her about her relationship with the baby’s father.  Her approach to the story was comical, but very matter of fact.  She said he was a patron at the nightclub where she worked and that he would come in and annoy her.  She says her and her friends thought he was trying to overcompensate for something.  He flashed money at the girls like candy.  She always ignored him.  But after several weekends of his pleading, she decided to go out with him not because he’d convinced her he was a nice guy.  Nope, it was only because she realized Valentine’s Day was coming, and she needed a date.

MILFadvisors:  So you just went out with him because you needed a Valentine’s Day date? 

Michelle: Nah, I thought he was funny.  He made us all laugh.  He did have a great personality.  And who wants to be alone on Valentine’s Day?

I couldn’t help but notice, she didn’t take this opportunity to bash the guy.  She just talked about him like he was a necessary part of some equation.  Not too bothersome.  But maybe not the most helpful guy on the block either.  She’s conclusive.  She’s moved on.  She’s already realized, at her ripe young age of 22, in the end, he was part of her purpose here.  Here’s where that wise beyond her years thing comes into play.

And then about 8 months later, he gave her something she never expected….a broken heart…

So back to the story… Valentine’s Day fastly approaches.  And she tells me he went all out.  Took her on a Riverboat Cruise. Flowers. The works.  She fell in love. And the one and only time they ever hooked up….BAM.  She’s knocked up.  “He tried to do right by me, she says.”  “He moved me into his big ‘ol house and gave me whatever I wanted.”  And then about 8 months later, he gave her something she never expected….a broken heart.  She tells me this chapter of the story next.

MILFadvisors:  I remember this chapter in the book.  You came to work one day but you’d left that million dollar smile at home.  You told me you were moving to Nashville and I remember taking you to lunch and putting you in touch with some friends to help you find a place to live.  But now that I look back, I realize just how determined you were.  With a newborn on the way, that must have been a tough decision.

Michelle:  It was very easy actually.  I remember being at my baby shower and I had probably thirty-something people show up.  I felt so loved. I felt so happy.  And then they left. And when everybody left, I got to sit in that big house, with all the stuff, and at this point I’m very obviously pregnant, and was feeling very pregnant, and instead of continuing to feel that love, and being happy about what was happening, I just felt really sad and empty. I think whether you believe in God or the Universe or whatever it is you believe in, I believe that things happen to teach you life-long lessons that you need to know.

MILFadvisors: I completely get that.  But you said it was easy…that doesn’t sound very easy.

Michelle: Well, I was 32 weeks pregnant. And he just came home one day and told me he didn’t feel the same way about me anymore.  He wasn’t attracted to me anymore. He wasn’t ready to be a dad.  He just wasn’t ready for any of this.  And I’ll admit, I had some baggage by this point.  But he said I could live in the big house with the baby you know? I remember telling him, “hell no, over my dead body, there’s no way I’m staying here alone.”  I wanted to go home, home to the house where I grew up.  Home to where I could figure things out.  So I called up my friends.  And 8 of them showed up with their trucks and their cars.  And they had my stuff out of the house in probably two hours.  And no one would let me lift a finger. And you know, I got home, and I remember sitting in the bedroom where I grew up, and I felt really sad. And I didn’t know what I was gonna do. 

I remember the first time Michelle told me this story.  But I had my own things going on that year…and somehow now it sounds so different.  Maybe it’s because I know what comes next.  Not that a broken heart isn’t a serious thing to endure.  But honey, this little break up just doesn’t compare to what’s right around the corner…

Check back in a week for part deux, “Hearts, Halos, and Helicopters, Oh My!”

Story by Ellisia Jesnes

Photos by Todd Hildebrand

 

A heart can heal over time, a heart can mend, but a heart won’t ever stop growing…

Can you relate with a broken heart story?  Do you have a big heart as well?  Has your heart ever been full of joy and pain at the same time like our story above?  If so, send your broken heart stories to MamaMILF@MILFadvisors.com and you could be chosen as a featured writer for an upcoming article! Make sure to include “Broken Heart” in the subject line and tell us how your heart was broken and how a heart can mend!

 

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